The Basement Office

The Expensive Universal Instrument – part 2 – The arrival

Wherein The Expensive Universal Instrument finally arrives at our super fan’s home.

Note:  This serial is basically my excuse to write at 750words.com, so what you are reading is very much a first draft with very little editing.  I like it that way, but that doesn’t mean I won’t come back and polish it up later.  Feel free to comment, critique and advise.  I just might listen!

The Expensive Universal Instrument – part 2 – The arrival

The bell echoed in the air.  I didn’t realize the phone was ringing at first.  I couldn’t believe it!  It had to be them!  StuffWeCanSell Inc. was calling me!  I was sure of it.  It couldn’t be my mother, she’d stopped calling on day three.  It certainly wasn’t any of my so-called friends.  Most had told me in no uncertain terms to stay away until I was at least two weeks into my beta test for the Expensive Universal Instrument, the rest weren’t answering my calls, emails.

I stared at the phone for a minute as it rang again and again.  Reality snapped back into place and I gasped, afraid that I had let it ring too long.  What if they just moved on and gave the Expensive Universal Instrument to another unbelievably lucky guy?  I’d die!  I know it!

I leaped lengthwise over the couch, knocked over a lamp and nearly killed my tabby cat.  I’m pretty sure I sprained my shoulder and I earned a scratch for my troubles, but that phone was answered!  The Expensive Universal Instrument was mine for sure!

“Hello?  Hello?  It’s me!  I’m here!  I’m here!  I love StuffWeCanSell!!!! I’m here for you guys 24/7!  Hello?  Can you hear me?  This phone’s working right?  Hello?  Please don’t hang up!”

There was a moment of dead air while my heart stopped beating.  Then a voice came through.

“Huh, right.  Mr Doe?  This is Jane Moore at StuffWe…”

My heart leaped, “STUFFWECANSELL!! RIGHT!!”

Breathe, dude, breathe.

“Quite.  Well sir, we were calling to let you know that all is in order and that you are officially registered as a beta tester for Stuffwecansell Inc.  Specifically that you are enrolled in the Expensive Universal Instrument project.”

“YESSS!!!  WHOOOOOO!”  I whooped for joy!

“Will you be available in two days for the delivery of the unit to your home Mr Doe?”

“Oh yes!  I’ll quit my job if I have to!  I’ll BE here.  You can count on me!  I’ll be right beside the door!  Make sure you tell the guy, if I don’t answer the door, to call the police or an ambulance because I will be right beside the door!”

“Well, I’m sure that won’t be necessary Mr Doe.  Now, I have a few instructions to give you, mere formalities of course…”

“OF COURSE!”

“Ouch, please Mr Doe, could I trouble you to keep your voice down to a normal level?  Anyway, as I was saying”

“Yes, yes, I agree…completely!”

“Yes, quite, I’m sure you do.  In any case, I need you to listen carefully Mr Doe.  When it arrives, please make sure that you read the enclosed documentation completely BEFORE opening the package.  Do you understand Mr Doe?”

“Of course, of course”, I whispered, “I totally understand!  Read before opening…gotcha”

Ms Moore let out a very audible sigh through the phone, “There’s no need to whisper Mr Doe.  Once again, I must remind you, this beta test is completely confidential.  You are to tell no one anything specific and you must NEVER speak to any media.  Any contact of the sort will render our agreement null and void and we will repossess the Expensive Universal Instrument immediately and sue you to smithereens.”

“I…uh…understand.  Does this mean I can’t tell my friends about it?”, I asked, a bit guilty.

Ms Moore laughed.  It was deeper than I would have imagined.

“Oh goodness no Mr Doe.  Feel free to use the Expensive Universal Instrument in your daily life, however, it must NEVER leave your possession.  Do you understand?”

I laughed inside.  How could she even think I would let anyone else near the Expensive Universal Instrument!  It would be mine!   All mine!

“Oh of course not.  Never!”

“Good, we have an understanding Mr Doe.  Once again, I strongly remind you, read first, THEN open.  Good day.”

I listened to the dial tone a long time before hanging up.  I moved in slow motion.  I could feel the earth rotate.  This was too awesome!

The Expensive Universal Instrument would be here in TWO days!  I was beside myself for at least 20 minutes before the panic and despair set in.

It would take TWO whole days of WAITING!  I didn’t think I could bear it!

Bear it I did.  I almost was fired from my job.  My boss instead chose to “strongly suggest” that I take the rest of the week as a vacation.  Personally, I think he knew that if he fired me, I’d NEVER let him see the Expensive Universal Instrument.

The rest was a complete blur.  I didn’t eat and I didn’t sleep.  I sat by the door, just in case.  I mean, maybe the time and date were wrong and it would get here early right?  I just couldn’t take the chance that I’d miss the delivery guy.   I could always sleep later and I had this handy bucket by the door.  I was fine.

DING DONG!

I jumped and yelled!  I think I may have frightened Ted, the UnitedPostBusiness guy.  Seriously, what a wuss!

I flung open the door and tackled him.  He had been backing away and I didn’t want that.  I ripped the pad out of his hands and signed it on every line I could see, just in case.  I think I may have kissed him a bit.  I know I hugged him a lot.   We laughed, we cried and finally…it was HERE!

I opened the brown box.  The box was roughly 2 feet cubed.  Quite a bit larger than I thought.  Inside, there was a brown envelope full of the documents that I was supposed to read and underneath I could see a black, shiny, metal box.

Inside that dark mysterious chest was the Expensive Universal Instrument!  It was HERE!