This begins my first attempt at a serial. Follow the adventures of a fanboy give the chance to beta test a highly unusual and powerful item from his most favorite company in the whole wide world!
I couldn’t believe my luck as I opened the silvery envelope I had found in my mail when I came home.
You have been randomly selected to test our new Expensive Universal Instrument! As you know, here at StuffWeCanSell Inc. we strive to make the bestselling products available! We know you’ve seen our dozens of press releases about the new Expensive Universal Instrument and we know, as a past purchaser of our products you are eagerly awaiting the release of Expensive Universal Instrument!
Well this is your lucky day! As you know, we highly value quality in our products and our clients’ input! We have selected YOU to test our product and give us feedback before Expensive Universal Instrument goes on sale later this year!
As a reward for all your help, YOU, our favored customer, will get to KEEP your Expensive Universal Instrument completely FREE!
Simply read and sign the enclosed Confidentially and servitude agreement and we will arrange for delivery of Expensive Universal Instrument within 6 to 8 weeks!
Thank you for being our favored Customer!
Frig Solden Marketting Director StuffWeCanSell Inc.”
With trembling hands I quickly found my pen and signed the 18 page document that was folded in the envelope. I barely noticed that I was committing to buy the next 8 versions of the iThing and 2 products from the personal grooming line. I don’t mind, I have the first iThing, the iThing 2 AND the iThing deluxe. The Expensive Universal Instrument would be totally worth it! It had been marketted heavily and while the ads and press releases were quite vague, I had no doubt that the sky’s the limit with what I could do with the thing!
I could not wait. I immediately drove to the courrier office and paid for express delivery of the signed papers to StuffWeCanSell Inc. I did not want to wait a second more than I had to. Frankly I was sure that the Expensive Universal Instrument would change my life exactly as advertised. I know the iThing did, as well as the iThing 2 and I still smile when I think of getting the iThing deluxe! Oh happy happy day!
I still get annoyed with some of the guys at the office don’t realize how much they could benefit from these products. Sure, some of them have the iThing, or the iThing 2…but seriously? None of them really RUSHED to get the iThing deluxe! I mean you could get it in RED! RED! How cool is that? And it had TINT control! I mean how could you settle for the iThing 2 after that?
I won’t even speculate how some could live with just the iThing!
I spent the next 5 days gnawing my nails. I rushed home every evening, daring the police to catch my speeding bucket and give me a ticket. Every evening I waited for the phone to ring, or hoping the next day I would receive a note or a call that would tell me when Expensive Universal Instrument would arrive! I barely ate! I watched no TV! Even my iThing deluxe started beeping at me from inactivity. I felt that my vigil should leave me unsullied and that I should remain metaphorically celibate until I received my very own Expensive Universal Instrument!
By the third day of waiting my friends started shunning me. I, of course, could not mention what I was waiting for. I was maddened by the thought that this life changing miracle was coming and I could not say a word! Instead, in a desperate attempt to remain sane, I talked as much as I could about StuffWeCanSell Inc and their wonderful influence on our lives and how awesome my iThing Deluxe was! I’m not sure I was able to get the message across though. I mostly remember a sea of bored faces. Sometimes friendship is a hard thing to maintain!
On the fifth day, I was home. I had taken a “sick” day. My boss didn’t question. I think he too did not understand the momentous change that was coming. He never bought any iThing either. I could barely work for the man.
I had a feeling that day 5 was the day. I wanted to be home just in case I missed the call or if a missive came in the mail. What if I had to sign for it? I might have had to wait another day!
It was in the afternoon that it began happening.
The phone rang.
(To be continued)